Banned From Tractor Supply

Yesterday I was at my local TSC store buying a large bag of

my dog’s food for my loyal livestock guard dog and was in

the checkout, when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog?

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I’m

retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that

no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet

again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended

up in hospital last time, but I’d lost 10 pounds before I

woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of

my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was

essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is

to load your pockets with dog nuggets and simply eat one or

two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally

complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line

was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me

if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food

poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the curb to sniff

an Irish Setter’s rear end and a car hit me. I thought the

guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was

laughing so hard. I’m now banned from Tractor Supply.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the

time in the world to think of things to say.