Customer Support

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. Operator: ‘Computer assistance;

may I help you?’ Caller: ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect ‘ Operator: ‘What

sort of trouble?’ Caller: ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went

away.’ Operator: ‘Went away?’ Caller: ‘They disappeared’ Operator: ‘Hmm. So what does

your screen look like now?’ Caller: ‘Nothing.’ Operator: ‘Nothing??’ Caller: ‘It’s

blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’ Operator: ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did

you get out?’ Caller: ‘How do I tell?’ Operator: ‘Can you see the ‘C: prompt’ on the

screen?’ Caller: ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’ Operator: ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor

around the screen?’ Caller: ‘There isn’t any cursor; I told you, it won’t accept anything I

type.’ Operator: ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator?’ Caller: ‘What’s a monitor?’

Operator: ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little

light that tells you when it’s on?’ Caller: ‘I don’t know.’ Operator: ‘Well, then look

on the back of the monitor and find wherethe power cord goes into it. Can you see that??’ Caller:

‘Yes, I think so.’ Operator: ‘Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’splugged

into the wall.. Caller: ‘Yes, it is.’ Operator: ‘When you were behind the monitor, did you

notice thatthere were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? ‘ Caller: ‘No.’

Operator: ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again andfind the other cable.’

Caller: ‘Okay, here it is.’ Operator: ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged

securely into the back of your computer.’ Caller: ‘I can’t reach.’ Operator: ‘OK. Well,

can you see if it is?’ Caller: ‘No…’ Operator: ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on

something and lean way over?’ Caller: ‘Well, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle

— it’s because it’s dark.’ Operator: ‘Dark?’ Caller: ‘Yes – the office light is off,

and the only light I have is coming in from the window’ Operator: ‘Well, turn on the office

light then.’ Caller: ‘I can’t..’ Operator: ‘No? Why not?’ Caller: ‘Because there’s a

power failure.’ Operator: ‘A power …. A power failure? Aha. Okay, we’ve got it licked now.

Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?’ Caller:

‘Well, yes, I keep them in the closet..’ Operator: ‘Good. Go get them, and unplug your system

and pack it up Just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it

from.’ Caller: ‘Really? Is it that bad?’ Operator: ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’ Caller:

‘Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?’ Operator: ‘Tell them you’re too

stupid to own a computer!’