Bubba The Old Redneck From Georgia Decides To Travel

Bubba the old Redneck from Georgia decides to travel across

the south to Vir**nia to see God’s country. When he gets

to Franklin, he likes the place so much that he decides to

stay. But first, he must find a job: Bubba walks into an

international paper company office and fills out an

application as an experienced log inspector. It’s his

lucky day! They just happen to be looking for someone, but

first, the log foreman takes him for a ride into the forest

in the company pickup truck to see how much he knows. The

foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points

at a tree. “See that tree over there, I want you to tell

me what species it is and how many board feet of lumber it

contains.” Bubba the redneck promptly answers. “That

there’s white pine, 383 board feet of lumber in ‘er.”

The foreman is impressed! He puts the truck in motion and

stops about a mile down the road. He points at another tree

through the passenger window and asks the same question.

This time, it’s a bigger tree of a different class. Bubba

replies. “That’s a loblolly pine and she’s got about

456 clear board feet.” The foreman is really impressed

with the good ol’ boy, he has been quick and got the

answers right without using a calculator! One more test.

They drive a little further down the road, and the foreman

stops again. This time, he points across the road through

his driver side window and says. “And what about that

one?” Before the foreman finishes pointing, the Bubba

says. “White oak, 242 board feet at best.” The foreman

spins the truck around and heads back to the office a little

ticked off because he thinks the red neck is smarter than he

is. As they near the office, another foreman stops the truck

and asks Bubba to step outside. He hands him a piece of

chalk and tells him. “See that tree over there?” “I

want you to mark an x on the front of that tree!” The

foreman thinks to himself. “Idiot, how would he know which

is the front of the tree?” When Bubba reaches the tree, he

goes around it in a circle while looking at the ground. He

then reaches up and places a big white ‘X’ on the trunk.

He walks back to the foreman and hands him the chalk.

“That there’s the front,” Bubba says. The foreman

laughs to himself and asks sarcastically. “How in the hell

do you know that’s the front of the tree?” The good

ol’ boy looks down at his feet while rubbing the toe of

his left boot cleaning it in the gravel and replies. “Cuz

somebody took a s**t behind it.” Needless to say, he got

the job and started the very same day…