Old Woman Speeding

An old lady is speeding down a highway when she spots a police officer with a speed gun. The officer

signals for her to pull over, and then walks over and asks her with a smile: “What’s the

rush?” “I’m late for work.” “Sure,” says the officer, “What do you do?” “I’m a

rectal distender.” “A what? A rectal distender? And what is that, exactly?” “Well, you see,

I start by putting a finger in, then another, then I work up to three fingers, four fingers until

the whole hand is in.  I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then slowly but

surely I extend the rectum until it’s about 6 feet wide.” “And what the hell do you do with a

6 feet a*s***e?” “Give him a speed gun and put him by the side of the road.”