Happily Married Couples Together In Heaven

An eighty-five year old couple, married for almost sixty

years, died in a car crash and went to the Pearly Gates.

They had been in good health for the last ten years, mainly

as a result of the wife’s interest in healthy diets and

exercise. St. Peter welcomed them into Heaven and took them

to their small palace in heaven- complete with a large

bedroom, Jacuzzi, full kitchen, and billiards table. “How

much will this cost us?” asked the husband. “Nothing,”

St. Peter responded. “This is Heaven- everything is

free!” Next, he took them to the Championship golf course

just minutes away from their mansion. They would have

golfing privileges whenever they wanted, an angel as a caddy

on command, and the course even changed daily to represent

the most elite courses on Earth. “This is…

stupendous,” the wife asked. “What are the green

fees?” Again, St. Peter said “Nothing. This is Heaven-

everything is taken care of.” Next, he took them to the

equivalence of a five-star restaurant next to the course.

Wagu beef, prime rib, lobster, veal, salmon, rare vegetables

and spices- all one could eat. “How much-“ “Again,

free,” St. Peter responded to the wife. “This is

Heaven.” The husband paused. “Well… this is all nice,

but… do you have any low cholesterol, low-fat

options…?” St. Peter chuckled. “In Heaven, you don’t

have to worry about Earthly problems. You will never get fat

and you will never get sick.” Suddenly, the husband grew

angry, and screamed toward the sky. St. Peter and the

man’s wife tried calming him down, but he kept getting

angrier. “What’s the matter???” the wife asked. “Why

aren’t you happy here???” The man responded, “This is

all YOUR fault!!! If it weren’t for your fu*king ‘bran

muffins’ and ‘paleo chicken’ recipes, we would have

been here 10 years ago!!!”